So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
