we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
