I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
