Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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