I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
