you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Randomize
