Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
