Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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