this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
