her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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