Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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