if i can run in heels then i can drive
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
