Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
