I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize