im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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