i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
