But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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