a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
