my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
