what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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