Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
