Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
