the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
