he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
