It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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