i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
