Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
