our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
