This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
