One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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