its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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