remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
