She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
