Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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