i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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