By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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