Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
