i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
