I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
