I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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