yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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