so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
