I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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