I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
