Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
