Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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