college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
