Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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