I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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