Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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